


Time Heals All Wounds

by lightsinthefloors



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Blood, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Minor Character Death, Violence, hostages, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:34:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25622209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightsinthefloors/pseuds/lightsinthefloors
Summary: “All he can do is replay the scene from earlier over and over in his mind- and how the seven mothers being held hostage were killed because of him.”A certain case effects Spencer more than he thought it would, and no one is sure how to help.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 4
Kudos: 86





	Time Heals All Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt at writing something that isn’t fluff for once

Spencer hasn’t said a word since they got back from the scene of the crime. The others have tried to coax him into a conversation, but he just ignores every attempt. He doesn’t want to talk and he doesn’t have any idea what to say. All he can do is replay the scene from earlier over and over in his mind- and how the seven mothers being held hostage were killed because of him.  
*  
“Reid, I need you to decipher this code. Can you do that for me?” Hotch had asked, knowing Spencer had a skill when it came to that. 

“Yeah, I’ll take a look at it. I need some paper and a pen,” Spencer nodded, taking the card with the unintelligible message on it. “I’m not exactly sure what this looks like right now, but I’ll figure it out.”

Hotch nodded, asking someone to get the supplies he needed. This unsub very clearly had one specific type of victim in mind- mothers of young children, ages 25-35 with kids from ages 3-9. Seven women in the past week had been kidnapped, and the single rose left on each of their doorsteps the day of made it easy to tell that it was the same person. They had managed to talk on the phone with the unsub, gathering one critical piece of information. 

“They are alive,” the eerie voice had purred after a moment of thick silence, hanging up the phone after that. 

An index card with the undeciphered code arrived at the police station shortly after that, addressed to none other than the BAU. He knew they were now involved, and no one knew what could come out of that. Spencer got to work on the message, taking his time as to not make any mistakes. Little did he know, that would be his biggest one.  
*  
Derek is worried for his boyfriend. The young man had seen so much already, and it’s bound to start affecting his mental health if it hasn’t already. This though, everyone knew was a hard hit. He’s been trying to talk to Spencer since they left, keeping a hand on his back as they walked. The other man hardly acknowledges the touch, stiff as they get their things together to leave. Derek only reluctantly steps away when he sees Hotch and Rossi approaching, turning to them. 

“Morgan, can we have a minute with Reid? We won’t be long,” Hotch says, giving him a careful look. 

“Yeah,” he whispers, backing away to give them some privacy. 

Rossi squeezes his shoulder as he walks by, heading over to Spencer. Derek grabs his bag and waits in the hall, glancing at JJ and Emily. 

“Reid, I need you to look at me,” Hotch says quietly, inhaling sharply when the younger man doesn’t acknowledge him. “Spencer.”

“Listen, kiddo,” Rossi whispers, watching Spencer stuff things in his bag. “This was not your fault. You did the best you could’ve done, we all did. No one predicted what this man was going to do.”

Hotch nods, feeling his heart tug at the broken look in Spencer’s eyes when he finally looks over at them. “He’s right, Reid. I don’t want you blaming yourself for this. I think you should take a few days to get things together before getting to work again. I can tell Morgan the same if you want me to. Just say the word.”

Spencer only shakes his head, zipping up his bag and walking past them. He ignores calls of his name, meeting the others in the hall. They all avert their eyes from the door once he comes out, silently heading down to the lobby. Spencer stays silent as they pile into the car, leaning against the window. Derek rubs the back of his neck a little bit, willing to do anything to make it a little bit better. He doesn’t know what to do. No one does. They’ve never seen Spencer like this before.  
*  
The young agent was still figuring out the message when the phone rang again, looking up when Rossi answered. 

“Hello, Behavioral Analysis Unit. I see you got my message,” a dark voice drawled. “I have one more command. In order for a chance to save these women, send in only Doctor Spencer Reid. Anyone else and they won’t be the last victims.”

The phone cut after that, not giving anyone else a chance to speak. 

“What does that mean and why does he want Spencer?” Derek questioned. “He’s not going in there. Not on my watch.”

“It’s what he wants,” Spencer shrugs. “It might help. As soon as I figure out this code, we’ll talk about it more.”

He knew his boyfriend would worry. But truthfully, Spencer’s been wanting to prove himself to the others. This was his opportunity. He would catch the unsub and save the hostages. Then he would definitely be a good agent. 

“I see numbers,” he had hummed. “It looks like it’s gonna be an address. We just have to make sure it’s not a setup.”

“Anything is good, Reid. As soon as you get the whole thing we’ll have Garcia check where it is before we go,” Hotch nodded. 

Spencer went back to work, noticing that underneath the supposed address was another line. He would cross that bridge when he came to it, but he had no idea it would be so crucial.  
*  
The ride to the airport is awkwardly silent, but no one knows what to say. They just grab their bags and get on the jet, settling into their seats. It’s nearing ten o’clock- figuring things out at the police station and talking to the families took longer than expected. No one wanted to stay at the hotel longer, just ready to go home. The flight home is about two hours, long enough to be annoying but too short for it to be worth it to sleep. JJ can’t stop looking at Spencer, hating to see how defeated he looks. She sits next to him while Derek uses the bathroom, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“Do you want something to eat, Spence? You didn’t have anything since earlier this morning,” she asks gently, brushing his hair away from his eyes. 

She tries not to act hurt when he just shrugs her off, curling up into a tinier ball. Emily bites her lip, beckoning JJ over before she gets her feelings to hurt. 

“It’s not you. He’s very upset right now,” Emily murmurs, squeezing JJ’s hand. 

“I know,” she whispers. “I just wish I could make it better.”

Derek sits next to Spencer once again, resting a hand on his thigh. Spencer doesn’t move or say anything, just staring out the window. Another still silence falls upon them, only broken when Derek’s phone rings. 

“Hey, baby girl,” he sighs, Garcia on the other end. 

“You sound upset,” she frowns. “And it’s late, are you guys going to be home soon?”

“We’ll be home soon,” he promises, avoiding the first half of what she said. “I’ll talk to you when we get back, okay?”

“Oh... okay. Is everything alright?” Garcia asks softly, feeling how off he sounds. 

“No,” Derek murmurs. “But I’ll call you when we get back. You go home, get some rest.”

“Alright,” she whispers. “Just... be okay for me. I’m here for you, Morgan. You know that.” 

“I know.”

He hangs up the phone after that, biting his lip. Garcia doesn’t know that he’s not the one who needs comforting right now.  
*  
“I have an address!” Spencer called triumphantly. 

“I’ll get Garcia on the phone. Nobody leaves until we know where we’re going,” Hotch told him. 

“There’s still one more line here... I’ll keep working on it,” Spencer mumbled, mostly to himself. 

Garcia looked up the address upon request, finding that it was an old house, specifically with a large basement. Spencer was only half listening to the conversation as he deciphered the last of the message, his heart dropping down to his stomach as soon as he finished. 

“Hotch,” he shouted, jumping up. “Listen, listen to me, what time did you give me that index card?”

“What- the time? Why?” Hotch frowned. “I guess around... four?”

“No, no, no... it’s quarter to five. The last line on that card says one hour. One hour until he- he kills, I guess,” Spencer rambled. “It says the address and underneath that one hour. We need to leave right now.”

Everyone’s eyes widened, hurrying out to the car. The code was made to be time consuming, even someone like Spencer needing awhile. A regular person could’ve taken hours, even days. He pulled out his phone and called Garcia back, tapping his foot as Rossi drove. 

“Garcia, how far away is that address from the local police station?”

“It is... approximately fifteen minutes away,” she told him. 

“Alright, thanks Garcia,” Spencer sighed. “We have just enough time. We need to get there fast. And he only wants me to go, so everyone hang back.”

“Spencer, I need you to be careful in there. You don’t know what this guy is planning on doing,” Derek frowned. “Don’t you take that vest off. I know you tend to do that a lot, but not today.”

“Fine, yeah. I won’t take it off and I’ll make sure to send a signal if I need help. Just stay on the first floor. I’m almost positive he’s keeping them in the basement.”

He watched the time on his watch, chewing on his lip so hard it drew blood. They were cutting it close. Truthfully, no one knew if they would make it on time. At this point, all the had was hope.  
*  
The jet lands after the couple of hours it took, everyone exhausted and upset. The day had been draining for everyone, but especially for Spencer. He still hasn’t uttered a word, looking down at the floor as he walked off. He’s quick in and out of the building, dropping his things off inside and then waiting for Derek in the car. 

“It’s late,” Derek sighs, getting in on the drivers side. “Do you want to eat or just go home?” 

Spencer only shakes his head, and Derek assumes he just wants to get back. Spencer isn’t sure how he could eat when the image of the crime just keeps playing over and over in his mind. It makes him feel sick to think about it, but he just can’t stop. No matter what, he can’t turn his brain off for just a second. As much as he wants to and as smart as he is, making himself forget is one thing he just can’t do.  
*  
They pulled up to the house, the clock striking five right as they pull up. Spencer jumps out of the car, banging on the front door. 

“FBI, open up,” he yelled, opening the unlocked door when no one answered. 

The others searched the first floor before nodding to Spencer, the young man slipping down into the basement. He opened up the door, mouth dropping slightly at the sight. Seven women were in the room, standing on top of what looks to be a dining room table. Ropes were tied around each of their necks, all connecting to a hook on the ceiling. Their mouths had duck tape over them, and one wrong move would kill them instantly. 

“Spencer Reid,” the unsub said lowly. “Finally arrived. Unfortunately, I think you took a little too long.”

Spencer had his gun drawn, staying in place. “It’s over. No one has to get hurt here. I- I see you have a gun too. Just put it down and no one will die. It can all end right now.”

The criminal had a sick smirk on his face, still holding the gun as he puts his hands up in the air. “I’m afraid that’s not going to be the case. Eight will die tonight.”

Spencer had a moment of confusion, knowing seven women were missing. The second it clicked, and before he could do anything, the unsub swiftly kicked the table out from under the women’s feet, then shooting himself in the head before Spencer had the chance to do it himself. 

“No!” He shouted, watching as all the bodies limply hang from the ceiling. 

Blood was pooling from underneath the unsub’s body, and Spencer slid down against the wall. Morgan and Hotch hurried downstairs after the gunshot, everyone else waiting outside. They saw the bodies hanging and the one on the floor, turning to look at Spencer on the ground. 

“It all happened so fast. He said I- I took too long,” Spencer muttered, staring at the man’s body on the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

He couldn’t stop repeating those words over and over, unable to move his eyes. Hotch and Morgan shared a look, for once not knowing what to say. They pulled Spencer up off the ground, the agent limp in their arms. It was not hard to move him since he’s so thin, and the other two knew he needed to get out of there. 

“Morgan, take him to the car. Send Prentiss and Rossi in here, get JJ to call an ambulance. The bodies need to be moved,” Hotch instructed quietly.

Derek only nodded, taking Spencer into his arms. “Listen to me. You did what you could. He was going to kill them anyways, we had no real chance of stopping him.”

Spencer couldn’t get any words out, watching as Emily and Rossi went into the house. JJ watched them worriedly as she called for an ambulance, listening to Morgan tell her what happened. Spencer sat in the car, in some state of shock. If he’d worked quicker, they could have saved those women. The unsub gave them a window of time and he didn’t get there fast enough. No matter what anyone said to him once they started to drive back to the police station, it just went in one ear and out the other. In Spencer’s eyes, this had been all his fault.  
*  
They pull up at home, and Spencer trudges inside. He just stands in the middle of the living room, sighing heavily. All his feelings had been bubbling inside of him like a cauldron since they left the crime scene, and it all felt ready to spill over. 

“Baby, talk to me,” Derek whispers. “This wasn’t-“

“Don’t you say it wasn’t my fault!” Spencer shouts, making the other man jump in surprise. “If I had been faster, things would be so different right now. I’m supposed to be the genius, the smart one. It’s what I do and I can’t even do it right anymore!”

Derek tries to wrap his arms around Spencer, his heart aching. “I know you feel that way, but I promise you it’s not true!”

Spencer hits and pushes at his chest, his face turning red with how worked up he’s getting. Derek just lets him, not physically hurt at all. He’s much stronger than Spencer, just holding him tight in his arms. Spencer keeps pushing, even kicking at his shins until he exhausts himself. He breaks down in sobs after a few minutes, sinking down to the ground. Derek sits with him, holding Spencer against his chest. 

“I let those women die! I took seven mothers away from their kids. Even if they all had only one child, which I doubt, that’s at least seven kids who just lost a parent because of me. I did that,” Spencer hiccups, starting to hyperventilate from how hard he’s crying, eventually starting to heave a little. 

“Spencer, baby, look at me. Breathe, you’re gonna make yourself sick,” Derek tells him, holding both of his hands. “In and out. Just like me, breathe in nice and slow... and let it out.”

Spencer follows along the best he can, his heavy sobs eventually dissolving into smaller whimpers. He grabs at Derek’s shirt, sniffling softly as he tries to get closer. 

“I’ve got you, baby. I know you don’t want to hear it, but believe me when I say this isn’t your fault. If we didn’t have you to crack that code, it would’ve taken us way longer to find them. It’s terrible, but those ladies were going to die from the start. He just forced us to play his game with him. He was always going to kill them and himself. This wasn’t your fault.”

Spencer doesn’t know what to say anymore, just holding onto him tightly. Derek lifts him up, carrying him into their room. He undresses Spencer, who’s weak in his arms. He didn’t realize how physically exhausted he is until after he let everything out, hardly able to stand up on his own. Derek tucks him into bed, getting a glass of water for Spencer before he climbs in too. 

“Just try and rest,” Derek whispers, holding him close. “You really need it. I’m not going anywhere. We have off for a few days. The rest of the week and the weekend. Hotch said he can find some temporary replacements if you really, really need time to get over this. Everyone will understand no matter what.”

Spencer doesn’t want him to go through the trouble. “I’ll be okay by Monday,” he whispers shakily, clinging to Derek. “Can we just sleep?”

Derek knows they should have this conversation again when Spencer’s in a better state of mind, but he lets it go for now. He holds Spencer tight against him, closing his eyes. Both of them eventually fall asleep, although one is much more uneasy than the other. Spencer sleeps, but he dreams as well. All he can see is the moment when the unsub kicked the table out from under those poor women, hanging them all. Spencer can’t stop thinking about their kids. They’re all old enough to realize that their moms won’t be coming home, some old enough to realize why. After the scene repeats itself a few time, Spencer startles himself awake, sitting up with a gasp. Derek wakes up too, unable to fall into a deep sleep. He’s too worried for Spencer to fully relax. 

“I’m gonna be sick,” Spencer moans, clamping a hand over his mouth. 

“Okay, let’s go,” Derek whispers, swiftly helping him out of bed and into the bedroom. 

Spencer throws up, but only a little. He mostly just dry heaves, his stomach too empty to actually expel anything. He can’t help but cry, feeling miserable. Derek rubs his back and sides, feeling his body tense up with every retch. 

“Try to calm down. There’s nothing left to come up, you’re just exhausting yourself,” Derek says gently, rubbing his chest to try and get him to breathe. 

Spencer finally calms down enough to lean back against Derek, panting softly. He whines tiredly, sucking in a shuddery breath. 

“Why don’t we get in the shower? It might calm you down,” Derek suggests. 

He nods, getting up on shaky legs and pulling his clothes off. Derek starts the shower, helping Spencer in and holding him close. 

“Every time I close my eyes I see them,” Spencer whispers, sniffling a little. “I can’t get that picture out of my mind.”

“I know. And we both know that won’t change overnight. But this is the worst of it. I promise, it’s going to get better,” Derek murmurs, rubbing his back. “You know that. You’re so smart. You know deep inside that you’re going to get past this.”

“I am?” Spencer asks, his voice cracking a little. 

“You are. You’re so strong. You don’t know how much I wish you didn’t have to watch what you did today. That takes a toll on anyone. But it’ll get better,” he nods. 

Spencer stays quiet after that, just letting the water run over the two of them. The hot shower is making him relax physically, sore muscles becoming less tense. He tries to think about the things that make him happy instead of the bad things- Derek, their friends, his godson, his mom. Going out for dinner, ice cream, watching old black and white movies. Those things make him happy. 

“When we get out, can we put something on tv to fall asleep to? I think it might help a little,” he requests quietly. 

“Of course,” Derek nods. “Are you ready to get out now?”

Spencer nods after a moment, stepping out once Derek turns the water off. He wraps himself in a towel, limbs feeling heavy. The two of them get into pajamas again, crawling back into bed. Spencer cuddles up to Derek, tucking his head of wet hair into his neck. The older man puts on the television, giving their room some light and background sound. 

“Thank you,” Spencer murmurs. “Thank you for being here.”

“I’ll always be here,” Derek whispers. “Get some rest. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Spencer watches tv until his eyelids get too heavy to stay open, finally falling- and staying- asleep. Derek stays awake longer, holding onto him. He hates that Spencer saw what he did today. Of course violent things come with this job, but this was just different. People handle things differently, and for Spencer, this was a breaking point. Derek is going to take care of him. He’ll do whatever it takes to make things better. The one thing he won’t do is give up. Because no matter what, and no matter how long it takes, Derek knows that with some extra care and a little bit of time, Spencer will heal.


End file.
